Confirmation

My friend and I went to visit our friend in Philadelphia last week after news arrived she just had a baby boy.  This is baby #2 for our friend.  J and I brought different things for E and her family…food, presents.  We were so excited to be meeting this baby in the hospital.

Wow. Newborns are just so tiny! Even when they aren’t tiny for newborns, they are so small compared to the children we are raising at home.  I love the smell of newborns before sour milk settles into their folds.  They snuggle right on your chest/shoulder and just sleep.  Exhausted from the birth, traumatized from his circumcision, this baby was OUT COLD!  Even better is a sweet sleeping newborn.  When I passed him off to J or E, his smell lingered on my clothes.  It’s like clothes fresh from a dryer.  I could smell it all day long.

Best of all, holding this baby completely confirmed 100% that I was not going to have my own baby #3.  I loved this little boy.  He felt like the son my husband and I always thought we were going to have, but never did.  He was that sleepy newborn that makes you think…Goodness, how did we create this miracle!  Before the fussiness and work around the clock really settles in.  E looked great for having just given birth the day before, but she and her husband just looked so tired!  I didn’t have any longing as I held him.  I just felt happy.  Happy for my friends, happy for my family.  God gave us 2 beautiful girls.  I could have dealt with less attitude and drama and all the things dealing with special needs!  But I got what I got, and everyday we are grateful that at the very least they are thriving, happy girls.  What more could we really ask for?  (A lot, I know, but lets keep this real.)

Isn’t that the best part?  We got to hold this newborn, and then gave him back! Hooray!  Congratulations E and family!!!

Pregnant buddies

Pregnancy was something I thought that I was going to go through with my husband.  I thought he was going to be my constant companion, and it was going to be our journey.  It absolutely was.  Both of them.  But it was a lot different than I thought.  At first, I considered maybe it was because I had been so sick carrying each child.  It could still be.  However, the fact that the pregnancy was taking place in MY body, affecting MY hormones, and daily routine, could he really be apart of it the way I initially thought?

It’s strange.  When you want to be pregnant, it seems like everyone around you is suddenly becoming pregnant.  Some are successful after many “tries”, and others are complete surprises.  It also seems contagious.  A couple of friends get pregnant around the same time, and then BAM!  the whole circle is expecting.  Well, maybe it isn’t quite like that but it certainly appears that way.

I was one of the first among our friends to be pregnant with our first child.  One good friend’s wife was due 3 months before me, but she was living on the opposite coast.  But there were 5 of us at work.  3 were due within a 6 week period  in May/June.  And another and myself were due 1 week apart in Dec.  Del and I were still in our first trimester when the other 3 were walking around already 2 cm dialated.  We left for the summer with barely a soul knowing we were pregnant.  When we showed up in September, there was no way to hide our rounding bellies.  Del and I got to know each other the year before.  I don’t even remember how we broke the news to each other about being pregnant.  It just sort of came out.  

The fact that this was our first pregnancies put us closer on the same page.  Different symptoms of things, but same page.  Being pregnant with someone else who was on their 2nd baby was totally different. Our friend, Nat never kept track what week of her pregnancy she was in, wasn’t reading what to expect when you’re expecting or your baby week by week.  Her mind was on her first child, and trying to get through her day to day.

Del understood first hand how tired I was, how frustrated it was to be teaching 5 year olds a lesson on counting by 10s and running out in the middle to go throw up in the bathroom.  I would crawl under her desk in sometimes during breaks to take a nap.  We understood the raw excitement of feeling the baby moving, and later how exhausted we were from all the kicking and turning.  We’d eat lunch together sometimes, and both of us were constantly moving and rubbing our bellies at the same time.  We’d laugh when a head or butt was sticking out extra hard on one side, and smile in sympathy when our baby would kick a bladder or other organ HARD.  We also understood how scared we were that something would happen to our child before being born, or right after…that we would never share a life with our baby.  Through it all, we were 2 women, acquaintances that became good friends through our pregnancies.  

With each major life milestone, we look for people to share it.  ”We’re moving”  announcements, birth announcements, engagement announcements.  We invite a few friends (or more!! and some not really friends) to our wedding.  House warming parties, bridal showers, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, baby showers, bon voyage parties.  You catch my drift.  Get 2 brides-to-be together and likely they have something to talk about.  Same goes with your pregnancy.  It can be a life bond you create together in that friendship.  

I think every pregnant woman out there is usually better off if they go through this experience with a friend, preferably just a few weeks apart from each other.  Yes, I needed to continue my relationship with my husband, and we needed to prepare as parents.  But, there was something special to having Del there to talk to, bounce ideas off of-esp when hubby and I disagreed about our baby.  It made pregnancy all the more real and less isolating.  We gave birth 1 week apart.  We leaned on each other those first few months, blurry eyed and sleep deprived.  We are still friends and keep in touch today.  And S and L are 5 1/2 now. crazy.

Postpartum #2

As I said before, the 2nd time around has always been a completely different experience.  M’s birth was the ideal birth.  Quick, painless, and absolutely no surprises.  I almost missed my window of opportunity to receive an epidural with S.  Too many people needed the anaesthesiologist, and I was nipping at the bud waiting.  This time, he was right there to offer me one.  I didn’t feel like I needed it at the moment, but heck…it was 1:30am.  He wasn’t waiting around for me to be ready or not.  So I said okay.  My husband wasn’t allowed to be there for it like the first time.  Liability, they said (I hear a lot of men pass out at the sight of it and with birth…what did they go through to earn the go unconscious pass?).  

My mom and husband brought S to see me and her new baby sister in the morning.  Melted my heart to see her come in with such a big smile for me.  She held her little sister in her arms, and gave her a kiss.  We wanted to give S ownership, and always called her S’s sister, M.  S had mild interest in M, and M was just about sleeping and eating.  She nursed well from the beginning, and rarely let out a cry.  Biggest difference, too, was that I was ready for visitors!  I didn’t have tons, but I had a few great ones.  

I was eager to come home this time.  This time, as much as time concentrated on when M needed to nurse, I still had to take care of S.  She was okay with my mom and my husband, but when I nursed M, she was stuck to me.  And to be completely honest, my focus was more on S than on M.  There were other hands around to help, and I had this already established relationship with S.  I worried about her adjusting to a new baby, so I put my energy there.  Whenever anyone was around to help, M would get pushed off on them, and I would take care of S.  M was a so so nurser and actually seemed more satisfied with formula.  I wasn’t producing nearly the amount of milk as I had been with S, and I couldn’t keep up with her demand.  After a month, she was 100% bottle fed.  Anyone could feed her and tend to her.  

M got fussy around 6-8 weeks.  It would start around 6:30pm.  She would cry, sometimes unconsolably, but for 20-40 min spurts.  And then again around 9pm.  It could take anywhere between 20 min-1 hr to calm her down to sleep, but she did! and she would go 3-4 hr spurts.  It’s not like she never cried or fussed.  Some nights she would fuss from 2am-4am.  But we aren’t talking 6 hrs of pacing and absolutely unconsolable.  She took to a pacifier, too, something S never did.  It took a lot of the edge off.  I could be walking around, helping S, having a conversation with a friend, and look down to find M completley asleep in my arms.  I wasn’t even trying to get her to sleep.

My friend told me that my baby wouldn’t remember being left crying for a few minutes while I tended to my toddler.  But my toddler would remember having been put off for me to tend the baby.  If I was giving S a bath, and M was fussy in her take along swing or bouncy seat, I was told it was okay to let her cry for a few minutes while I finished with S.  S was held within 5 seconds of crying out (with the exception of when we sleep trained her).  M was left for minutes at a time…next to me, and in sight, but had to wait.

Finally, M was born at the end of March.  The weather was warmer and nicer, and we were out much more.  S dictated our schedule much more so, and still does.  But because we weren’t holed up so much, I felt more social.  It was a happier experience all the way around.  And because of the challeneges with S as an infant, our mantra really was “This too shall pass.”  We knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel of these infant phases.  We were a lot more relaxed about M.  She was a more relaxed baby.  And we knew by then that not every theory, book, routine, etc. was going to fit our child.  It was a huge expectation taken off our shoulders.  And the difference for my husband and myself as parents and as a married couple was tested so differently this time.

Birth

When people who have not given birth to a child ask me what it’s like, the first word that comes to mind is awesome.  I don’t mean awesome like it was the best thing ever.  But there is no other word that I can think of that encompasses all the emotions that I felt.  Scared, anxious, excited, exhausted, impatient, exhilirated…but on such a greater scale than I ever thought possible.

My water broke at home with both girls.  I was getting ready to go out to a Sunday brunch with friends the first time, and i was getting ready to go to bed the 2nd time.  Actually, I was reading a novel in bed, when the woman in the story started to give birth.  I felt as if a huge bubble popped right next to my belly button.  Slowly, every so often, water leaked.  However, both births, I was not 100% sure.  I had imagined waves of water falling to the floor at my feet.  Instead, it was a tiny trickly here and there.  Either way, my OB told me to go to the hospital.  If I were to give birth that day/night, I needed a bag of antibiotics in my IV.  I was Group B Strep positive.    30 minutes later, contractions began (both times).  

s’s birth was more dramatic.  She was 12 days early. We had barely a thing ready.  I had been washing baby clothes I got as gifts and they were all over the bed.  I was admitted to the hospital, and saw on the tv that the US had captured Sadam Hussein.  I labored a total of 8 hrs with s. 2 1/2 hrs of that was all pushing.  The epidural I had asked for did not give me the state of bliss I had hoped for.  Lenore, my nurse, was a real tough general.  If she pushed my buttons any harder, I may have thrown the vomit pan right at her.  Doctors, med students, interns, nurses were coming in and out. I don’t know how many different hands were down there throughout my time.  I initially felt self-conscious, but the whole act of giving birth strips you of all humility!  Finally, while everyone seemed busy looking at charts or graphs, I felt a little pop and I swear I felt a ball between my thighs.  Several people stopped, and wow did they all move so fast.  The OB told me to stop pushing.  Nurses wheeled the bed down to a sterile delivery room.  I wondered in the mayhem if I moved just a little bit if the head would bobble out.  In 2 pushes, s was born.  Her umbilical cord was so short, they didn’t allow me to hold her right away.  The announcement that it was a girl left me in shock.  I was so sure I was having a boy!  I double checked the genatalia to make sure.  It was a she!  Then they noticed that she had meconium on her face, and took her away to clean up.  I had tearing and was so tense, they needed to give me drugs.  I passed out probably from fatigue.  After I gave birth, I was told that turned off the epidural drip because I couldn’t feel where to push (no wonder it was so painful that last hour!!)  

m, on the other hand, was late at night.  My husband was so tired, he asked me if he could take a 30 min snooze before we left.  My mother had come the day before since I had experienced some pains.  She told me I should let him sleep.  I gave him 10 min while I gathered everything and we left.  I got an immediate epidural.  I wasn’t in any real pain, but the anasthetiaologist said, “You get it now, or not at all.”  I didn’t waste a second.  ”Now sounds great.”  The nurse came in and told us to try to get some sleep before it was time.  My husband and I looked at each other and wondered aloud who was going to get any sleep with a baby on the way.  We passed out immediately for the next 2 hrs.  I awoke feeling pressure.  Just as I reached for the nurse call button, Renee walked in.  She said, “your contractions are inconsistent but your body is doing what it needs to do.  You’re ready. But don’t push.  We have to call the on call doctor and wait for him.  Shouldn’t be more than 10min.”  I must have looked dumbfounded.  First of all, I didnt’ feel a thing.  I was rested. Oh, and who can hold off pushing when there is that much pressure coming.  I pretended to blow out a candle, a tip Renee kindly offerred.  No joke, the OB walked in within 10 min. I pushed 3 times and m was born.  I sat up and said I was ready to deliver the placentia.  He told me I already had. I was done.  I could start nursing her.  3 hrs later, I was in the shower of my hospital room, walking around, making lists of people to call. 

 

2 kids, same sex, totally different entrances into the world.  and totally different babies, toddlers, and preschoolers to raise. TOTALLY different.