our spring break trip=break from habits

The kids had spring break starting on Good Friday.  Things felt so busy and crazy before that.  But I also felt that things were starting to be better.  S was having less and less meltdowns, and she was coming out of  school much happier.  Her re-eval testing was going well.  I was feeling more encouraged.

Bedtime was hit or miss with S, though.  She would be very happy and head upstairs and sometimes she would be fine. Sometimes she would start to get anxious and cry.  But all that was getting better through the first week of April.  The strange change she clung to was who was going to read to her at night.  For YEARS, it has always been my husband.  She would tolerate me reading, but she really did prefer him.  Then for a short stretch, it didn’t really matter so much.  The last couple of weeks leading into break, it had to be me.  She would ask over and over again who was going to read to her. She would insist that it would be me.  A couple of times when it was my husband, she would start to cry.  It’s a very odd thing for us, because more than anything, she has always been Daddy’s girl.  ALWAYS.  You hear that babies are born,  and seek their mother, and naturally root for their breast.  Nope.  Not with us.  She would only want me when she wanted to nurse.  Later, as she got a little older into baby months, she would look to me to feed her and for comfort.  Yet, she wanted her dad.  It went on for years, or rather until this year.  Strange.

We took a cross country trip to California to meet our new nephew and niece twins!  So exciting!  We were going to spend time with our 3 1/2 yr old nephew and meet his twin siblings!  While we were at it, we were going to try to meet up with some friends, too.

What a trip.  A couple of days in warm and sunny San Diego.  Amazing.  We went to some beaches, saw some amazing views, went to Sea World.  We just had fun.  Exhausting but fun.

Then we headed up for warmer LA.  We saw my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, nephews and nieces.  The girls and my older nephew haven’t seen each other in a year and a half.  They hit it off after an initial 5 min shy period.  They played like they  played everyday.  How my girls took to these babies, especially M.  oh, just melted my heart.

Over the next 3 days, we saw 3 different family friends, 1 of them spent the day in Disneyland with us.  They all had so much fun together.  I guess after 3 full days of just the 4 of us, the girls were excited to be with friends.  Even friends they just met.  S got into the mix with all of them, too.  She also knew when she had had enough and went to find some quiet time for herself, too.  I found that very encouraging that she was able to monitor what she wanted and needed to do.  The days were very long, with lots of transition, yet fulfilling for everyone.

For someone who is so adverse to change, S travels very well.  S and M both love transportation rides.  Planes, trains, taxis, trolleys, bikes, etc.  They love it all.  They love hotels and hotel rooms.  Each one is different with different amenities.  They look forward to each experience.  Maybe because we are all together and there is always someone to sleep with that make them more comfortable.  Even if we did a 1bdr, the girls would share that room together.  Or if we were all in one room, then they fall asleep and wake to us being in the room with them.  I don’t know.  I just find it strange yet very encouraging.

Upon coming home, there have been no fusses about who reads bedtime stories.  No fusses about pretty much anything. Just very happy faces going to be at night.  Now, it’s significantly later in the night than they are used to because they are still operating on PST.  But it seems for right now, those fussy habits have stopped with the break from our own routine.  Maybe that’s the key, we need to go away for a night to break the night routine!  LOL!  Obviously that’s not really an option, but it is food for thought now.

 

when the “help” just doesn’t seem to help

We recently went on a trip and visited a family we hadn’t seen in 4 years.  The last time we met up, S was just 4, and we were just discovering this world of special needs.  All we had in place was speech.  OT was going to be starting a couple weeks after that.  Catching up from there, what a whirlwind our lives both seemed to have been.  It made me take a hard look at the last 4 years.  It’s been a lot to pack in.  But it was encouraging to explain things, and to not be experiencing those particular events anymore.  I mean, S has changed! and progressed!  and thing manifest differently now than they used to.  My friend said it must have been an exhausting time for us.  I think back.  Yes it has been.  but the most exhausting part now really is what we deal with in school.  School is the biggest emotional player for me now.

There are the typical things that do come home that cause us all stress.  Homework that maybe S doesn’t get.  or the occasional tears about not wanting to play some game at recess that the others were trying to have her play.  Or the story about how someone was mean to someone else.  But I’m talking about stress coming from teachers that are put in place to help, but they don’t.

S has the most wonderful teacher this year.  I can see if a parent had a typical child in there, and you really wanted to see your child challenged….you wouldn’t be so happy then with her.  She is a wonderfully, warm and caring woman.  Truly.  She is not the strongest academically.  Is S learning?  absolutely.  She is learning tricks to math through acronyms that are sticking.  S is absolutely unchallenged in spelling, but since she struggles in other areas, I welcome the breeze through habits she has with it.  But this teacher is all about emotional growth and safety.  How the kids treat one another. How they respect each other.  How they grow as human beings.  These are the areas I think so few teachers take the time to develop, and in the grand scheme of things, is the most important.  Who cares if these kids can do equivalent fractions if they can’t learn to respect and tolerate others?

In this inclusive, general ed classroom, also comes support.  An aide and a special ed in class teacher.  It’s usually hit or miss with aides in the school.  You get some really great ones.  Or you get a crappy one where you wonder what the hell one has to do to become an aide.  Some have absolutely no business working with children.  Some you hope you get every year.  Our aide. Top notch. no complaints.

Our in class special ed support person?  Where the hell did they get her?

She’s new to the district.  Honestly, she is a nice person.  I have nothing against her crazy frizzy hair, or the smile that tries too much.  All I care about is how you are going to help my child.  Last year, we had one who started out okay and ended horribly.  She was so stuck inside her little box that she had no idea how to help S when her abc methods weren’t working.  There was no d,e,f or x,y,z.  So I had hoped this year’s support person would be able to think outside the box a little, as well as have some other strategies to help S figure things out.

When I reach out to her, she always responds.  This is a huge plus.  I can appreciate that!  She over highlights on the math hw, but still, the effort to draw S’s attention to certain details helps.  I can appreciate that, too.

I went in to meet with her in February, beginning of March.  We talked about S’s writing.  S has a real gift for writing.  She can write a 50 pg book if we let the pen fly, with almost no spelling errors.  It’s not organized to the reader and makes absolutely no sense.  But she can do it!   If you have S explain it all, you can start to follow her thought process and pattern.  But it’s all jumbled up there.  It comes out all jumbled on paper.  The support person kept saying, “I keep trying to get her to think as the reader, not just herself.”  But to do that, you have to assume that S can think from another’s perspective as she writes.  We focus so much of her therapy on her so it can be applied and drawn out.  But writing, even jumbled writing, has been her self therapy.  It’s where she goes to relax and get it all out for herself.  I understand the need for it to be organized and make sense to the reader.  But it’s not going to happen until she is able to do that verbally as well.  And that hasn’t happened yet.  Telling a story is still so broken when she tells it.

I can see this support person has tried a few things.  I found that encouraging.  But she admitted during this meeting, “I have hit a wall with S and her writing.  I just don’t know what we can do to help her.  I’m lost.”  Brave yet stupid thing to admit to a parent.  But what was the worst was that we were only at the beginning of March!  There are another 3 months to go!  What the hell is going to happen for the final 3 months?  As the re-eval looms, as the NJ PASS (2nd grade standardized tests) loom, as we figure out what she needs for next year in her IEP!?

This teacher gives off a very nervous energy. When kids are not doing her will, she starts to fly off the handle and her own anxious energies come out.  This does not bode well for my daughter.  So S then doesn’t want to go to small group work with this support teacher and puts up a fight-something she hasn’t really done before in other years.  That speaks VOLUMES to me.

I have found since then that while her special ed teacher is really nice and does mean well, she isn’t helpful.  She hasn’t been.  I asked her if she spoke to the speech therapist since the writing is going to be connected to S’s verbal skills.  She just stared at me.  Told me she never thought of doing that.  THEY ARE ALL THERE TOGETHER IN THE SCHOOL!  WHY ARE YOU NOT THINKING TO COLLABORATE WITH OTHERS??????

Do you know who has helped S out the most with this since I brought it to their attention?  Her outside speech and OT.  Yes, they have used sessions to map and teach different aspects of retelling and writing.  They hope to spoon feed it to her so to speak, to have her learn a roadmap for herself to write.  And they have been emailing it back to the support person to try it in school.  It’s infuriating to me that to get it done we have to pay for it.  That what the school has provided is essentially useless in this area.

GRRRRRRR……..  good thing is, we found the help somewhere else.  And S is starting to learn it!  I guess we can say money well spent!

Re-evaluation years

Every 3 years,  a child with an IEP, by law, has to have the district do a full educational evaluation of the child.  This way, a child study team is taking the time to figure out where theatchild is after 3 years of the different services that have been offered.  They have 60 days to complete it, and report back all finding back to the parents.

3 years ago, S had her first evaluation in the district.  She was 5 years old and in PreK.  It was a nightmare for 2 months for us.  Everyday, S would fight going to school and be super emotional during the day and at home.  She didn’t want to go to speech if she was by herself or to OT.  She must have figured out if she was going alone, all the attention was on her, and she would be peppered with questions.  When S is asked question after question, without the reassurance that she has it right or wrong, she starts 2nd guessing herself.  And once she is unsure, she stops really answering questions.  The shutdown begins.  By the time the final piece, the psych eval was getting done, this poor kid was fried.  She refused to go with the psychologist so her teacher had to sit with them and hold S on her lap.  She refused to answer many parts of the test, and only did a little.  In the end, we were told that the psych eval was incomplete.  The rest of it was finished and the doctor wrote what she could.  But it was left that way.  Incomplete.

3 years later,  8 years old, in 2nd grade, we enter the process again.  I was told that the psych eval took 2 sessions but were able to be complete it.  The speech has just finished, as well.  The learning specialist has to do her part, and the OT has to finish theirs.  Then we will be done.  We are almost 30 days into our time limit.  Not bad  I say.

There have been some tears about school this time around.  There have been some tears about other things at bedtime or afterschool.  There has been general moodiness this winter and going into the spring.  And I’m left wondering……is it the re-eval process again that is leaving her so unsure?  Is it that she is more aware of all these things and has other feelings on it?  Is she 8 and some hormonal fluxes leaving this child uneasy and pendulant swinging emotions?

I have been in constant contact with the different people doing the testing and her teacher.  All have been supportive.  I wonder all the time how accurate any of these tests are of S’s true abilities.  She is such a finicky test taker, in class and standardized.  Will it have any real insight for us on our daughter?

3 years ago, her speech teacher sat me down to discuss the report.  She scored so low in so many expressive categories.  If any of you have been through any process of scoring or testing, you may know what I speak.  Its always the most depressing thing to read.  I know my child is bright.  And I know that she has many different issues.  But seeing scores, and percentages, even if I don’t put too much meaning in it, they still glare out at you.  2%, 14%, 65%, it doesn’t matter.  It hurts.  Not that I am expecting these 98% anywhere.  I mean, she wouldn’t need all this support and an IEP if that were the case.  But still.  It’s a difficult pill to swallow each time we come to it again.

So S’s speech teacher went over everything in private.  She explained how she couldn’t prod beyond the questions or give more clues.  She had to read everything the way it was written.  S was looking for reassurance and knew things worded differently.  But she couldn’t get points on these questions because they couldn’t give it to her how she knew it.  She didn’t think the scores were indicative of S’s abilities.  Yet this is where she was testing.

What are we supposed to do with that  now?  She isn’t testing well.  Her skills are scattered.  What she needs most is confidence and reassurance which standardized tests don’t give us.

So far I have to say, I’m happy to see that S must have matured to have gotten through the testing as she has had to so far.  With some anxiety, but not what it was 3 years ago.  That’s a great sign.  But I have anxiety with where she is going to come out.  Not anxious about her services.  If anything, the way she tends to test, they have to give her the support.  Her scores indicated it’s what she needs to have.  But will there be true improvement?  I mean, yes, there is. I know she has many more skills than she did 3 years ago.  But will we have improved within the same rate to be in the same percentages and in raw score as we did 3 years before?  I have to believe yes it should.  But what if it’s all equivalent?  What does that mean?  What do we have to change?  The questions never really seem to end.  There is an ebb and flow of when it’s better and worse.  But they never stop, do they?

fall blues?

We are officially at October 3rd, and a very chilly front has blown through.  It has been constant showers and rain for the past couple of weeks.  So I have to ask, is it too early for fall blues?

I love this time of year.  Pumpkin spices are everywhere.  I love to hear the sound of leaves crunching under our feet.  I like to wrap myself in a warm sweater while we are outside.  I like how crisp things are at this time of year.  While I don’t like to be cold, I love to lounge in my warm bed while the outside the covers, it’s a delicious chill.

October also means things are in full swing.  The kids are still adjusting to their days at school.  They are still puckered out at the end of the day.  This also means that the newness of going back to school and the initial excitement is over.

S, since the first day of school, on the whole has been okay.  A bit whiny here and there, especially at bedtime, but okay.  M, whiny through the late afternoon and right before bed, but she’s been okay, too.  Here we are in October, and S is STILL whiny at bedtime.  I got on my husband’s case last night because instead of walking right out as S started to say, “Something’s the matter,” he started making comments back.  He wasn’t sitting down for a full discussion, but keeping the conversation going.  I would love to hear her out sometimes.  I would.  But it’s so garbled sometimes and a mishmash of thoughts, and it’s difficult for us to really understand what it is she is trying to convey.  I mean, yes, I understand the actual words, but the thought that she seems to want to express is not all there.  It could be “I’m just confused.”  Or “something’s the matter.”  Then you ask what or why and you might get an answer about a book, or toothpaste, or medicine, or something completely unrelated.  This is where I feel bad that we can’t break through some of these expressive language delays.  I don’t know for sure if S knows what she wants to let us know, but she is having a hard time getting us to understand.  So then he sticks around for a couple of minutes to chat, but with each sentence, S gets more and more irritated.

I asked him last night why he didn’t just walk out.  He said that sometimes when he does, S gets even more upset.  So what are we supposed to do?  I don’t know.

Good thing, though, 8 out of 10 times, S falls right to sleep. 7 out of 10 mornings, though, she wakes up whiny.  She comes in saying, “I was just upset”  or “I was a bit confused.”  Then we start asking the what and why, and we are no closer to figuring it out than we were last night.

Is it just a habit now?  Is she getting more anxious?  Is it just her adjustment phase to her schedule?    Do we ever really know?  Tough love? or nurturing and some coddling?

summer trips

What’s a summer without a little bit of travel?  It doesn’t have to be far trips or overnights.  But it does need to be a chance to do something different from the day to day.  Just about anything can be an adventure.  A trip to a museum, a new park, the beach, the boardwalk, a waterpark, a new pool.   Or you can hop on a plane or train or car and really go places.  It’s up to you.

I sat through a lecture a long time ago, and the details of the whole speech and who gave it are lost to me.  But there was one very important point he made, and I never forgot it.  Kids need different experiences to build upon.  Each of those experiences opens the child up to new discovery and feelings.  That’s how a child grows.  A child who only does the same things and doesn’t have outside experiences will not have a worldly growth and appreciation for new or adventure.  On one hand, I can’t say that would be a universal statement.  However, for the most part, I do think it’s true for many to a degree.

My cousin got married in June in NYC.  We decided to get a hotel room for a night so we didn’t have to trek back to NJ in the middle of the night.  If you have ever been to NYC, you’ll know that everything is small, tight, and crowded.   Our hotel room was no different.  But the girls were ecstatic.  They have been in the city many times, but not likes this.  They enjoyed just walking around, seeing the lights.  I took M on the subway to a place on the Upper West side to get her hair done for the wedding  (she was the flower girl).  We caught a cab on the way back.  These are all normal things people in NYC do.  But to them, what an experience!  I liked seeing this side of them.

The hotel stay used to freak S out a little bit, even if she was excited.  Travel, in general, while she has been good, is sometimes difficult.  She liked her own things.  She was uncomfortable in new rooms.  There were always tears.  Sometimes when we left our house.  Almost always when we had to leave to come back home.  Now, she loves hotels.  I’ve learned we have to bring a couple of familiar things, and a night light certainly helps.  We are all able to stay in one room for an overnight without waking each other up every hour.  That helps, too.

We went to my parents home in Syracuse for the 4th of July.  Both girls always have fun there.  This year, we also went to a friend’s lake house on the finger lakes.  It was a huge party.  Tons of people, tons of kids, swimming, a bounce house, dinner, fireworks, everything.  It was interesting to see S and M mix it up with the kids of people I grew up with.  Some clicked, some didn’t.  But they both tried.  Most of these kids already knew each other from school or being family or friends.  But they all accepted my 2.  M definitely put herself in the groove more than S, but S tried, too.  She certainly participated in everything.  S has acclimated to the room she sleeps in at my parents home.  She looks forward to sleeping there, and we rarely see tears at bedtime or morning.

In August, my husband had to be in Toronto for a few days for work.  He has been talking for a year now about having the family go up when he has to work and see Toronto.  He couldn’t say enough things about it.  It happened to work out that he had to go up on a Wednesday and would be done by Friday.  So I flew up with the girls on Friday to meet him.   We stayed until Sunday.  The girls had the time of their lives.

Toronto is a very family friendly city.  There is so much to do there, so much to explore.  We definitely wore them out.  There was no question they were exhausted.  Yet, in a packed weekend, they experienced so much.  The weather was great, so walking around the city, finding restaurants to eat at, walking the underground malls, swimming at the hotel pool, it was so easy.  We took a day to take the ferry to the Toronto Islands, and spent the afternoon playing there.  At dinner time, we took the ferry back, and walked to the CN Tower.  A huge needle point tower.  At the top was a restaurant that rotated for a circular view-  the 360.  A great and expensive dinner.   Dinner included a special express line to the elevators.  The regular line was about 60-90 min long.  Then after dinner we could go to the observation deck 1 floor below.  Lots of views, including the glass bottom floor.  SCARY for my husband and I.  Dizzying even.  Not so much for the kids.  They were lying down on their bellies with the faces to the glass.  I know that’s not really sanitary and totally disgusting, but we were fighting off the dizzy spells.  We’ll let the kids do whatever while we get our bearings.  An express ride down the elevator led straight to the gift shop-also very family friendly, but not at family friendly costs.

A ride on the subway led us to Toronto’s Korea town for dinner on our last night.  After eating pizza and pasta and sandwiches, Korean food was a welcome treat for us all.  In the corner of the room was a big screen TV, playing Korea’s top 20 pop music performances.  In a language they are far from fluent in, M and S were mesmorized.  We were asked to download some of those songs when we got home.  Funny.  We took the light rail back, and headed to the airport.  The kids say that was their best hotel stay ever.  And love their pink CN Tower shirts and caps.

We spent a week at Bethany Beach, DE with a couple of families.  My kids love the beach, and are well accustomed to spending many hours out there.  I wasn’t worried about them loving it.  But sharing a house with friends is always something we look forward to, but worry a little about to.  I never know how my kids will react sharing rooms, toys, etc.  They were very comfortable with these kids, so I worried less.  Honestly, couldn’t have asked them to do any better.  The kids got along amazingly.  A couple of little tiffs, but really, in the span of the week. nothing.  S and M shared a room, with S on a top bunk.  I always wondered how she would be up there, especially when she sleep walks.  S loved it, and M enjoyed being on the bottom bunk.  They made it work well for themselves.  And both knew without us saying not to come and wake us up until 7am!

Finally, we spent a day in NYC with a friend that just moved in.  We parked in Jersey City, and took the ferry across the Hudson River to Battery Park.  The girls were so excited about these transportation excursions.  They played in a playground, and rode their razors around lower Manhattan.  My husband got out of work early, and he walked out to meet us.  It was a pleasant day, they were riding with friends, and they got a little taste of city life before we went back to suburban life at night.

I feel like we gave the girls a good fill this year of a lot of different kinds of experiences, and I would like to think they got a lot out of each of them.  If I opened any doors in their minds, and gave them a little bit of newness (is that a word?), then I feel we more than did our part this summer in creating a little more flexibility, even if for just a little while.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve in Epcot.  What a day!  We got there nice and early, grabbed a stroller, and the morning was a blur.  Fast Passing this ride, hopping on that ride.  It was an amazing experience.  Fabulous.  Just cool things to see and do.  The kids were amazed.  They couldn’t really appreciate the cultural aspect of all the world things in Epcot, but they got to look around and see different things.  Didn’t hurt that Belle and Princess Aurora were in France, as well as Marie from the Aristocrats.  Mary Poppins and Alice in Wonderland in the UK.  Mulan in China.  Jasmine and Aladdin in Morocco. Snow White in Germany.  My husband got to pop a beer while waiting in some of those lines.  Tons to see.  Tons to do.  We had dinner in Morocco, where the belly dancer charmed M.  We sat right next to the dance floor.  Next thing we know, M is up there learning to dance with a couple of other young girls and the belly dancer.  PRICELESS!  She now would like to be a belly dancer when she grows up.  So many of the pictures she is drawing are of that belly dancer! LOL!

Christmas Day it was a beautiful sunny day.  Ended up being about 74 degrees that day! After the cold winter we have been having in NJ, it was a welcome change.  I didn’t care if it didn’t necessarily felt like Christmas because there wasn’t snow, or it wasn’t cold, or we didn’t have a tree.  It was still great.  We exchanged gifts with each other, and agreed to a poolside lunch.  Lunch was quick while the kids enjoyed the afternoon in the pool.  It was chilly coming out of the water, but the water was warm.  All 6 kids were in the water having fun.  Our 2 year old niece was happy exploring the outdoor grounds around the back.  Christmas dinner was yummy Korean food.  Followed by games in the game room, and then lots of games at the Community Hall.  Air hockey battles, ping pong battles, PS2 Madden NFL battles.  Lots of coloring at the coloring table.  It gave me my first chance to really talk to my sister-in-law in years.  We always chit chat in passing about this or that.  She finally learned of all the things we have gone through with S over the years.  Finally understood the magnitude of that weight of responsibility for me and my husband, for S, and even for M.  Her scare with her 2 year old this fall seems to changed some of her usual reservations with us.  It was a nice bonding weekend for us all.

The next day was cold and chilly.  Everyone took their time moving around the hotel.  Very slow!  We had our final dinner in Downtown Disney.  And hung out in one of the rooms late.

Leaving day was the first one where S did not shed a single tear leaving.  She is usually whiny and teary when we leave a “vacation”.  She gives us a hard time.  And this really was a vacation for them.  My middle brother left early in the morning, so she got to see them off.  My oldest brother left when we did.  My parents were leaving, too.  I think she seemed to understand no one was staying, and it made things a lot easier.  Of course, this crazy blizzard on the East Coast left us at the airport for many more hours than we should have been.  But the Orlando airport is so comfortable.   Tons of seating.  Lots of shopping.  Lots of space to run around.  The kids were having fun with their new christmas presents.  They didn’t mind.  We almost didn’t leave because our flight seemed destined to be canceled at the last minute.  Literally at the last minute, out of nowhere, we were told we were boarding.  And that we had 15 min to board and the doors would close.  If they didn’t close then, the plane was not allowed to leave.  You can imagine the mayhem since we were told 10 min before THAT, that we were likely not leaving since there was no crew.  Next available flights to Philadelphia would not be until Thursday or Friday!

M slept the entire ride.  S was busy with her games and doodles from her backpack.  We decided to sleep in Philly for the night since we got in late and didn’t know if we had to dig the car out.  Another hotel?  They were over the moon.  S kept exclaiming, at 11pm, “This is like ANOTHER vacation!”  I think that says it all.

When we finally made it home the next day, we had to dig our way through 27 in of snow.  not fun. and exhausting with everything else we had to do.

All in all, I can’t complain.  It was a wonderful holiday.  It was so amazing to see my family all there.  It was a great trip.  I remember how much S used to cry and go crazy waiting in lines.  And she did so this time like a champ.  I remember how the crowds were so overwhelming for both kids, and now, they lean in close, but they deal with it just fine.  They take things as they come a lot better.  My husband and I are also better with creating the better atmosphere for both of them.  We didn’t hurry them out of the hotel each morning.  We let them draw, and eat breakfast in the hotel room.  The idea of being somewhere with their cousins got them up and moving quickly.  That helped.  We recognized that we can’t always be on the go and on our agenda.  Even if something is for them and we think it will be fun, they have be up for it.  They don’t sleep enough when we are traveling, and we know enough now to schedule things earlier when they are better rested.  The end of the trip is no fun with them tired and cranky.

All in all, a great holiday.  Merry Christmas to all our families out there!

Happy new year!

I have not posted in so long! I’m so sorry.  And I have a chock full of stories to tell!

1st off.  Happy New Year everyone!!!  2010 had its mixes of ups and downs.  And the downs seemed to really snowball at the last 1/4 of the year!  So please 2011, be kind and fair!

S turned 7 in December.  2nd year in a row she was sick on her birthday.  We were stuck with everything after my last post.  The stomach bug went through the entire family in one fashion or another.  Twice to each child.  With the last bout, S had a fever and got a bad head cold.  M caught the head cold but no fever.  I got some of that head cold.  Believe it or not, January 2nd, the cough still lingers for both kids.  Doctor said not much we can do about it at this time.

Each birthday for both kids brings about such emotions for me.  I flash to when each were born, and the expectation I felt as a parent.  As a first time parent, so many hopes and thoughts about how life will be with this new baby.  How your family will be shaped.  And then she is born, and all of those things don’t exactly leave.  But change.  Because you realize you never had control of those hopes and dreams in the first place.  The child that was born came with her own personality, and that keeps growing and shaping as she gets older.  And the realization that motherhood is a shitload of work.  There I said it.  Yes.  it’s a lot of work!  So by the time M was born, I really didn’t have as many illusions.  I thought I knew what I was getting myself into round 2.  Only same genes, trying to raise her in a similar manner as S, and she is completely different.  From birth.  So I am kicked in the ass again.  But it’s all a good thing.  It’s an extremely humbling experience to be a parent.  From birth. the first. the second, the third or fourth if you have them.  And for the rest of the years of raising them, I’m still humbled.  Elated. Frustrated at times.  just kind of crazy.  But humbled.  Birthday to birthday, S is not the same child as the year before.  As much as things stay the same, she keeps changing, progressing.  It’s an incredible milestone for us to reflect each year.  Yes, she has endured some hardships, and things keep getting thrown our way.  But the anxiety keeps getting a little better.  She has more control of things that she didn’t before.  Her ability to deal with her frustrations keeps getting better.  She has a long way to go.  But it’s all moving.  And that’s an incredibly great thing.  I forget to pull my head out and take a look at that journey.  Her birthday is a good reminder for us all.

So Happy Birthday my sweet 7 year old!  With her gappy grin, as we wait for these teeth to come in, she’s losing that little kid cuteness.  But she still has a little something there.

Christmas came, and we headed to Florida to be with my family.  After 4 straight events with my husbands family (his grandmother’s birthday, Thanksgiving, his mother’s birthday, S’s birthday), I was ready for a little bit of distance.  My family isn’t a picnic either.  But it had been so long.  We have not  been a full family with all the kids present since M was 15 months old.  It’s been a very long time.  To be spending it in Disney..well, we had our mixed feelings.  Disney is so crowded at that time.  The lines, the waits, the restaurants, everything.  But it was the only time one of my brother’s could go.  So we all went.

The kids got some very key presents from Santa the night before we left.  Actually, they didn’t even know we were going!  LOL!  They found out from their teachers on the last day that they were going to Florida!  That night we told them Santa wanted to make sure that he got some of their gifts a little early to enjoy Christmas with our family.  The pillow pets came into action.  The excitement of traveling, with pillow pets, to see their cousins was contagious!

We made the drive to Philadelphia instead of Newark because the tickets were so much cheaper.  They were excited every leg of that trip.  The long drive.  Seeing the Philadelphia sky line.  Learning that this is the city where their parents met.  Where they went to school.  The bus from the parking lot to the airport.  The tram to the terminal.  Getting on the plane.  Everything.  They didn’t sleep a wink on that trip.  Walking through the Orlando airport, M started seeing lots of signs with Mickey Mouse on them.  She started asking me why Mickey was everywhere.  On the Disney Magic Express bus, the video was showing different sights at Disney World.  Then it clicked.  Both asked, “Are we going to Disney World?”  We stepped off the bus at our hotel to find my mother waiting at the curbside.  The excitement just kept coming.  The hotel all lit up in Holiday decorations was so exciting.  The edible huge gingerbread house with chocolates was amazing.  Would have loved a nibble if I could jump over the fence into it.  Didn’t want to cause a scene.  Stepping into the hotel room where the first set of cousins were already waiting.  They hadn’t seen them since Summer 2009.  But both kids remembered their older cousins.  We went to our room down the hall.  You would have thought this was their Christmas present.  They were in love with the hotel.

The next set of cousins came in after dinner.  They hadn’t seen these cousins since that time M was 15 months old.  They only saw pictures. None of the cousins had even met the youngest one who was just 2.  S and M were disappointed to have the night end and have to go to bed.  But everyone had an early day.  We were going to Epcot and meeting up with my sister-in-law and her older daughter.  Her son was going with my brother and his sons to Universal Studios.  My other brother was staying behind with the 2 year old.  My parents were going golfing.  It was Christmas Eve.

 

1st 2 days=1st week of school

So there we have it.  The first two days of school are done, and that, my friends, is the first week of school.  They were on for 2 days.  Now off for 2 days for the Jewish holiday.  I was a nervous wreck over the Labor Day weekend worrying about how the first few days were going to go.  M was starting a new school.  S, a new grade and a full day.  I really couldn’t have asked for a smoother start.  Maybe next week will be different when we go a full 5 straight days.  But I will take this mini celebration for whatever it is worth.

My mom came to stay with us for a few days while all of us were figuring out our schedule.  S had to be at school by 8:25am.  As comes every year for the first day/week of school, parking around the school is a nightmare.  I figured the girls should be eating breakfast by 7:30am and we should be firmly out the door by 8:05am.  I haven’t had a morning drop off in elementary school…well ever! just the pre-school that the kids spent their first 2 years in.  That was a 9am drop off!

I left M at home with my mom to lounge around.  S was fine the night before school.  Fine the morning of.  I wonder if she really KNEW or realized that she was going to school.  I felt like I was living someone else’s life.  Where were the tears?  Where was the whining?  Where was the I don’t want to go to school talk?  S gave me a funny look when we were getting dressed and headed downstairs, but no complaints.  She wasn’t particularly hungry, but I made her eat whatever she could.  As she saw me packing her lunch, with round eyes, she asked, “Am I going to school today??!!”  I smiled big and said, “You sure are!”  very quiet response.

Still, S was out the door and okay getting into the car.  She looked around and didn’t see her sister.  The quick ride to school was all about why M wasn’t coming, why didn’t she go to school.  The thought that they wouldn’t be on the same schedule never occurred to S.  They have never been on the same schedule!  But then again, they have never been in the same school together before.

The walk from the car to school, S was getting more and more tense.  But still no tears and no big fight.  No hair pulling.  no kicking and screaming.  No scratching her face or neck.  Just tense.

The morning PreK, 1st grade and 2nd grade were all on the black top lining up. The Kindergarten was just around the corner.  3 sections of PreK.  5 sections of 1st.  5 sections of 2nd.  Parents.  Cameras.  Kids crying.  Kids just waiting.  Some kids playing on the side.  strollers.  younger siblings.  It was pure mayhem.  The teachers took awhile to come out.  Then they went through the line introducing themselves to kids and parents.  Oh……it took 30 min for S’s class to finally make the walk into the school.  Waiting is the worst part for S.  She didn’t look comfortable, but neither did she look phased.  She just looked…..well, bored and hot.  The sun was beaming down on all of us.  There are really only so many pictures you can take of them in line!  Although I won’t complain.  This is the very first year that I can take pictures of S’s first day of school because she is usually hysterically crying on the way!

It was a lot to take in, for me.  I had all this pent up anxiety myself about how things would go.  And goodness, did S surprise me this year.  Really, she did.  But I had no place to put all this extra “stuff” of mine!

The 2nd day, she made a quiet walk from the car to the blacktop and lined up.  She said hi to her friends as they came.  She said hi to friends that were in her class last year that were heading to different lines.  They were in a lot faster today.  She turned to look at me, and caught the teary faces of a couple of her classmates.  ”Bye mom.  I won’t cry.  I like being happy.”  I had to blink back my own tears.

I didn’t worry too much about M’s transition.  She makes friends quite easily, and she took to her teachers and new friends right away.  Still, you never know sometimes.  M didn’t have to be at school until 12:15pm.  Even if we leave around 12:05 or a little after, we make it with plenty of time.  At 11:59am, I looked around.  M was standing next to the door, socks and new Ariel light up sneakers on, backpack on, waiting for me.  I told her we had some time.  ”Mom, but we don’t want to be late, do we?  It’s the first day.  We shouldn’t be late.”   I had no response.  I grabbed my keys and bag, and out we went.  When the doors opened, she never looked back at me once.  Climbed the steps and ran in to line up.  It was the same thing today.

When both kids came out, they were a bit tired, very thirsty, but happy.  Both of them.  They chatted about all the exciting things they did that day.  Both went to the library today.  M was very detailed for the first time about a Big Book they read today.  Franklin Goes to School.  Very exciting stuff.  S was excited that they went to Art on the first day and to the Library on the 2nd day.  And now S wants to take the bus.  We aren’t far enough away to qualify for bus services, but she wants to take it!

If it has to be any way, this is the start I would want for both of them.  Excited about school.  Happy that they are going.  Happy and eager to learn and meet new friends.  Definitely not the crying route or having to be peeled off my leg.  And shame on me for even assuming the worst.  Days like this week, I am so grateful for maturity, for the giant leap forward they both took.  I actually miss them both during the afternoon!  I am so used to having some time with S and M each.  And we are all happy to be together at 3:15pm.  I will have no complaints about this week on anything.  And I just pray this continues as they get used to it all!

first day

AWESOME first day! more to post tomorrow.  But they really both rocked it! yay!

Kinks before school starts

The end of August always marks that time of end of summer.  School starts the day after Labor Day.  Usually by this week, my kids are at each other’s throats.  S is usually in full swing tantrums and breakdowns.  There isn’t as much structure, which is nice, but leaves room for unpredictability.  Everywhere we go, people are asking her about if she’s excited about school.  S honestly looks at people like, “I’m still on my vacation.  Why would you ask me about school?”  She hears me talking on the phone about it, too.  The teacher assignments came out on Saturday, and there has been a huge flurry of emails and phone calls since.

I have to say, S is handling the stress and anxiety much better than past years.  She still gets a little more weepy, a little more edgy.  However, she has been managing it a lot better than any other summer.  We have a week to go before school starts, but she is holding her own, so far.

Me?  I feel like I’m another story.  I’ve been dreading the start of school, which is strange for me.  Normally, I can’t wait for it to begin.  I’m tired of the summer by this last week.  I want them to go back.  I NEED them to go back.  I’m not feeling that yet.  We’ve had a great summer.  Lots of fun in the sun.  Lots of fun with friends.  It went by so fast.   I brace myself for the drama that comes with the start of the new school year.

Last year, S tore out her hair from her scalp during a meltdown the night before the 1st day.  I was so shaken.  S cried on and off about school for a couple of weeks.  But turned it around quickly.  She never cried when I picked her up.  She loved Kindergarten.  Getting her there wasn’t always easy, but she always came out with a huge smile.

This year, the full day, 1st grade, a new teacher-new to the school new, new speech therapists and OT, and almost all new specials teachers.  It’s a lot.  I’m sure eventually, S will enjoy school.  She doesn’t want to eat lunch at school.  She has never done a lunch program before.  And I think she’s going to be tired.  All things she will eventually have to do and get used to.  Classic me, I expect the worst and hope for the best.  That’s where it’s just sticking me, though.  Expecting the worst, I’m expecting tears, and tantrums and anxieties.  In truth, I should be hopeful.  It’s not her first year at the school.  She will have some familiar faces in the classroom.  She may love it from day one.  But again, I never hold my breath.

I’m probably a big problem to S’s anxieties.  No matter how much I try to hide it and cover it up, I know it’s there.  I am having trouble sleeping, thinking about it.  Worrying about how to talk it over with her, etc.

The things not helping me?  All these things at school.  So we know nothing about this teacher.  I called the office this morning to find out how to contact her so I can get in the classroom to take pictures of the teacher and classroom to make a social story for S.  They were so vague in the office.  They didn’t know when teachers were in setting up their classrooms.  Some already did it.  Some were doing it this week.  All teachers were set to meet on September 1st.  ”At the very least, she’ll get your message then.”  I’m thinking I need time to put the book together, etc.  But no.  roadblocked.  So I wait.

We never received our IEP.  We never even signed it.  We drafted it together.  We wanted to look at it again.  I’ve been calling our case manager all summer.  He never got back to me.  I finally got an email back from him, apologizing to me.  He’s been let go.  Working at another school.  Hasn’t worked since beg-mid July.  Doesn’t know who is taking on S’s case, doesn’t really know who can help me with anything.  I could talk to the secretary or the head of Special Services.  Couldn’t someone have let us know he wasn’t going to be a case manager anymore?

The phone numbers have changed, too.  The phone extensions, I mean.  I couldn’t find the secretaries number through the directory or her former line, either.  I happened to save a voice message she left me in July where I found it.

The secretary was kind but also very revealing.  She talked about different case managers coming on, one from the preschool who was horribly ineffective.  New members of the child study team.  They would all meet in September and discuss the best way to split up the case loads.  ”This is going to be a very different and difficult year from all sides.”  Really gives you a booming sense of confidence going into an already charged and changed school year!

This is not the start many NJ school districts would like.  And a difficult start it will be for many districts whose budgets did not pass and state aid got severely reduced.  Larger classroom sizes, less aides, less of a bit of everything to go around.

I really pray that everything works out as well as they have in the past couple of years.  That no matter where my own anxiety levels are at, or S’s, that it falls into place.  I want so badly for her to get off to a great start.  I’m excited for the things both S and M are going to be doing this year.  Excited for the friends they will make, the memories they build going forward.  Just wish it was without some of the drama….ours or the schools.