our spring break trip=break from habits

The kids had spring break starting on Good Friday.  Things felt so busy and crazy before that.  But I also felt that things were starting to be better.  S was having less and less meltdowns, and she was coming out of  school much happier.  Her re-eval testing was going well.  I was feeling more encouraged.

Bedtime was hit or miss with S, though.  She would be very happy and head upstairs and sometimes she would be fine. Sometimes she would start to get anxious and cry.  But all that was getting better through the first week of April.  The strange change she clung to was who was going to read to her at night.  For YEARS, it has always been my husband.  She would tolerate me reading, but she really did prefer him.  Then for a short stretch, it didn’t really matter so much.  The last couple of weeks leading into break, it had to be me.  She would ask over and over again who was going to read to her. She would insist that it would be me.  A couple of times when it was my husband, she would start to cry.  It’s a very odd thing for us, because more than anything, she has always been Daddy’s girl.  ALWAYS.  You hear that babies are born,  and seek their mother, and naturally root for their breast.  Nope.  Not with us.  She would only want me when she wanted to nurse.  Later, as she got a little older into baby months, she would look to me to feed her and for comfort.  Yet, she wanted her dad.  It went on for years, or rather until this year.  Strange.

We took a cross country trip to California to meet our new nephew and niece twins!  So exciting!  We were going to spend time with our 3 1/2 yr old nephew and meet his twin siblings!  While we were at it, we were going to try to meet up with some friends, too.

What a trip.  A couple of days in warm and sunny San Diego.  Amazing.  We went to some beaches, saw some amazing views, went to Sea World.  We just had fun.  Exhausting but fun.

Then we headed up for warmer LA.  We saw my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, nephews and nieces.  The girls and my older nephew haven’t seen each other in a year and a half.  They hit it off after an initial 5 min shy period.  They played like they  played everyday.  How my girls took to these babies, especially M.  oh, just melted my heart.

Over the next 3 days, we saw 3 different family friends, 1 of them spent the day in Disneyland with us.  They all had so much fun together.  I guess after 3 full days of just the 4 of us, the girls were excited to be with friends.  Even friends they just met.  S got into the mix with all of them, too.  She also knew when she had had enough and went to find some quiet time for herself, too.  I found that very encouraging that she was able to monitor what she wanted and needed to do.  The days were very long, with lots of transition, yet fulfilling for everyone.

For someone who is so adverse to change, S travels very well.  S and M both love transportation rides.  Planes, trains, taxis, trolleys, bikes, etc.  They love it all.  They love hotels and hotel rooms.  Each one is different with different amenities.  They look forward to each experience.  Maybe because we are all together and there is always someone to sleep with that make them more comfortable.  Even if we did a 1bdr, the girls would share that room together.  Or if we were all in one room, then they fall asleep and wake to us being in the room with them.  I don’t know.  I just find it strange yet very encouraging.

Upon coming home, there have been no fusses about who reads bedtime stories.  No fusses about pretty much anything. Just very happy faces going to be at night.  Now, it’s significantly later in the night than they are used to because they are still operating on PST.  But it seems for right now, those fussy habits have stopped with the break from our own routine.  Maybe that’s the key, we need to go away for a night to break the night routine!  LOL!  Obviously that’s not really an option, but it is food for thought now.

 

summer trips

What’s a summer without a little bit of travel?  It doesn’t have to be far trips or overnights.  But it does need to be a chance to do something different from the day to day.  Just about anything can be an adventure.  A trip to a museum, a new park, the beach, the boardwalk, a waterpark, a new pool.   Or you can hop on a plane or train or car and really go places.  It’s up to you.

I sat through a lecture a long time ago, and the details of the whole speech and who gave it are lost to me.  But there was one very important point he made, and I never forgot it.  Kids need different experiences to build upon.  Each of those experiences opens the child up to new discovery and feelings.  That’s how a child grows.  A child who only does the same things and doesn’t have outside experiences will not have a worldly growth and appreciation for new or adventure.  On one hand, I can’t say that would be a universal statement.  However, for the most part, I do think it’s true for many to a degree.

My cousin got married in June in NYC.  We decided to get a hotel room for a night so we didn’t have to trek back to NJ in the middle of the night.  If you have ever been to NYC, you’ll know that everything is small, tight, and crowded.   Our hotel room was no different.  But the girls were ecstatic.  They have been in the city many times, but not likes this.  They enjoyed just walking around, seeing the lights.  I took M on the subway to a place on the Upper West side to get her hair done for the wedding  (she was the flower girl).  We caught a cab on the way back.  These are all normal things people in NYC do.  But to them, what an experience!  I liked seeing this side of them.

The hotel stay used to freak S out a little bit, even if she was excited.  Travel, in general, while she has been good, is sometimes difficult.  She liked her own things.  She was uncomfortable in new rooms.  There were always tears.  Sometimes when we left our house.  Almost always when we had to leave to come back home.  Now, she loves hotels.  I’ve learned we have to bring a couple of familiar things, and a night light certainly helps.  We are all able to stay in one room for an overnight without waking each other up every hour.  That helps, too.

We went to my parents home in Syracuse for the 4th of July.  Both girls always have fun there.  This year, we also went to a friend’s lake house on the finger lakes.  It was a huge party.  Tons of people, tons of kids, swimming, a bounce house, dinner, fireworks, everything.  It was interesting to see S and M mix it up with the kids of people I grew up with.  Some clicked, some didn’t.  But they both tried.  Most of these kids already knew each other from school or being family or friends.  But they all accepted my 2.  M definitely put herself in the groove more than S, but S tried, too.  She certainly participated in everything.  S has acclimated to the room she sleeps in at my parents home.  She looks forward to sleeping there, and we rarely see tears at bedtime or morning.

In August, my husband had to be in Toronto for a few days for work.  He has been talking for a year now about having the family go up when he has to work and see Toronto.  He couldn’t say enough things about it.  It happened to work out that he had to go up on a Wednesday and would be done by Friday.  So I flew up with the girls on Friday to meet him.   We stayed until Sunday.  The girls had the time of their lives.

Toronto is a very family friendly city.  There is so much to do there, so much to explore.  We definitely wore them out.  There was no question they were exhausted.  Yet, in a packed weekend, they experienced so much.  The weather was great, so walking around the city, finding restaurants to eat at, walking the underground malls, swimming at the hotel pool, it was so easy.  We took a day to take the ferry to the Toronto Islands, and spent the afternoon playing there.  At dinner time, we took the ferry back, and walked to the CN Tower.  A huge needle point tower.  At the top was a restaurant that rotated for a circular view-  the 360.  A great and expensive dinner.   Dinner included a special express line to the elevators.  The regular line was about 60-90 min long.  Then after dinner we could go to the observation deck 1 floor below.  Lots of views, including the glass bottom floor.  SCARY for my husband and I.  Dizzying even.  Not so much for the kids.  They were lying down on their bellies with the faces to the glass.  I know that’s not really sanitary and totally disgusting, but we were fighting off the dizzy spells.  We’ll let the kids do whatever while we get our bearings.  An express ride down the elevator led straight to the gift shop-also very family friendly, but not at family friendly costs.

A ride on the subway led us to Toronto’s Korea town for dinner on our last night.  After eating pizza and pasta and sandwiches, Korean food was a welcome treat for us all.  In the corner of the room was a big screen TV, playing Korea’s top 20 pop music performances.  In a language they are far from fluent in, M and S were mesmorized.  We were asked to download some of those songs when we got home.  Funny.  We took the light rail back, and headed to the airport.  The kids say that was their best hotel stay ever.  And love their pink CN Tower shirts and caps.

We spent a week at Bethany Beach, DE with a couple of families.  My kids love the beach, and are well accustomed to spending many hours out there.  I wasn’t worried about them loving it.  But sharing a house with friends is always something we look forward to, but worry a little about to.  I never know how my kids will react sharing rooms, toys, etc.  They were very comfortable with these kids, so I worried less.  Honestly, couldn’t have asked them to do any better.  The kids got along amazingly.  A couple of little tiffs, but really, in the span of the week. nothing.  S and M shared a room, with S on a top bunk.  I always wondered how she would be up there, especially when she sleep walks.  S loved it, and M enjoyed being on the bottom bunk.  They made it work well for themselves.  And both knew without us saying not to come and wake us up until 7am!

Finally, we spent a day in NYC with a friend that just moved in.  We parked in Jersey City, and took the ferry across the Hudson River to Battery Park.  The girls were so excited about these transportation excursions.  They played in a playground, and rode their razors around lower Manhattan.  My husband got out of work early, and he walked out to meet us.  It was a pleasant day, they were riding with friends, and they got a little taste of city life before we went back to suburban life at night.

I feel like we gave the girls a good fill this year of a lot of different kinds of experiences, and I would like to think they got a lot out of each of them.  If I opened any doors in their minds, and gave them a little bit of newness (is that a word?), then I feel we more than did our part this summer in creating a little more flexibility, even if for just a little while.

Kinks before school starts

The end of August always marks that time of end of summer.  School starts the day after Labor Day.  Usually by this week, my kids are at each other’s throats.  S is usually in full swing tantrums and breakdowns.  There isn’t as much structure, which is nice, but leaves room for unpredictability.  Everywhere we go, people are asking her about if she’s excited about school.  S honestly looks at people like, “I’m still on my vacation.  Why would you ask me about school?”  She hears me talking on the phone about it, too.  The teacher assignments came out on Saturday, and there has been a huge flurry of emails and phone calls since.

I have to say, S is handling the stress and anxiety much better than past years.  She still gets a little more weepy, a little more edgy.  However, she has been managing it a lot better than any other summer.  We have a week to go before school starts, but she is holding her own, so far.

Me?  I feel like I’m another story.  I’ve been dreading the start of school, which is strange for me.  Normally, I can’t wait for it to begin.  I’m tired of the summer by this last week.  I want them to go back.  I NEED them to go back.  I’m not feeling that yet.  We’ve had a great summer.  Lots of fun in the sun.  Lots of fun with friends.  It went by so fast.   I brace myself for the drama that comes with the start of the new school year.

Last year, S tore out her hair from her scalp during a meltdown the night before the 1st day.  I was so shaken.  S cried on and off about school for a couple of weeks.  But turned it around quickly.  She never cried when I picked her up.  She loved Kindergarten.  Getting her there wasn’t always easy, but she always came out with a huge smile.

This year, the full day, 1st grade, a new teacher-new to the school new, new speech therapists and OT, and almost all new specials teachers.  It’s a lot.  I’m sure eventually, S will enjoy school.  She doesn’t want to eat lunch at school.  She has never done a lunch program before.  And I think she’s going to be tired.  All things she will eventually have to do and get used to.  Classic me, I expect the worst and hope for the best.  That’s where it’s just sticking me, though.  Expecting the worst, I’m expecting tears, and tantrums and anxieties.  In truth, I should be hopeful.  It’s not her first year at the school.  She will have some familiar faces in the classroom.  She may love it from day one.  But again, I never hold my breath.

I’m probably a big problem to S’s anxieties.  No matter how much I try to hide it and cover it up, I know it’s there.  I am having trouble sleeping, thinking about it.  Worrying about how to talk it over with her, etc.

The things not helping me?  All these things at school.  So we know nothing about this teacher.  I called the office this morning to find out how to contact her so I can get in the classroom to take pictures of the teacher and classroom to make a social story for S.  They were so vague in the office.  They didn’t know when teachers were in setting up their classrooms.  Some already did it.  Some were doing it this week.  All teachers were set to meet on September 1st.  ”At the very least, she’ll get your message then.”  I’m thinking I need time to put the book together, etc.  But no.  roadblocked.  So I wait.

We never received our IEP.  We never even signed it.  We drafted it together.  We wanted to look at it again.  I’ve been calling our case manager all summer.  He never got back to me.  I finally got an email back from him, apologizing to me.  He’s been let go.  Working at another school.  Hasn’t worked since beg-mid July.  Doesn’t know who is taking on S’s case, doesn’t really know who can help me with anything.  I could talk to the secretary or the head of Special Services.  Couldn’t someone have let us know he wasn’t going to be a case manager anymore?

The phone numbers have changed, too.  The phone extensions, I mean.  I couldn’t find the secretaries number through the directory or her former line, either.  I happened to save a voice message she left me in July where I found it.

The secretary was kind but also very revealing.  She talked about different case managers coming on, one from the preschool who was horribly ineffective.  New members of the child study team.  They would all meet in September and discuss the best way to split up the case loads.  ”This is going to be a very different and difficult year from all sides.”  Really gives you a booming sense of confidence going into an already charged and changed school year!

This is not the start many NJ school districts would like.  And a difficult start it will be for many districts whose budgets did not pass and state aid got severely reduced.  Larger classroom sizes, less aides, less of a bit of everything to go around.

I really pray that everything works out as well as they have in the past couple of years.  That no matter where my own anxiety levels are at, or S’s, that it falls into place.  I want so badly for her to get off to a great start.  I’m excited for the things both S and M are going to be doing this year.  Excited for the friends they will make, the memories they build going forward.  Just wish it was without some of the drama….ours or the schools.

beach day with friends

I heard that the ocean makes you dream.  I probably heard it on some cheesy line on Dawson’s Creek or something like that years ago.  I could never relate to that because I had so few ocean experiences in my life.

I grew up in Central NY.  Very inland.  We went to lakes, the Finger Lakes.  Beautiful and fun.  Boat riding, water skiing, jet skiing.  That kind of thing.  And we belonged to a pool where my parents would send us while they played golf.  We went to Palm Beach once when they brought us to Orlando, too.  I was only 3 or 4.  I have no recollection of any of it.  Apparently, I enjoyed the sand, and learned to start swimming in the ocean.  My parents were never beach people.  My mother never comfortable in the water, ocean or pool.  I remember more recently when my mother went to help my sister-in-law and she asked my mother to take my nephew swimming.  I nearly bursted  out loud!  1.  I can’t remember the last time my mother even OWNED a swimsuit.  2. to trust her with a young child.  No.  I’d be afraid of my mother not being able to get in and out of a pool!  I love her with all my heart, but I would NEVER ask my mother to watch my kids at the pool unless there were  a ton of lifeguards and they swam as great as Michael Phelps!  She’d be a great cheerleader…sort of.

So living in NJ, I never realized until these last 2 or 3 years how CLOSE we are to the beaches.  They aren’t white sands, and Caribbean blue water.  But it’s the beach and ocean.  And sure enough, I’ve found how magical it is.

We started taking the kids about 2 years ago.  They could sit out there and play in the sand for hours.  S, more of a water baby, liked to splash around in the surf.  But the sound of the waves and the crashing of them….let’s just say she had some respect for mother nature.  M was scared to death of the waves.  Too loud, too crazy.  She didn’t trust us to keep her safe.  She was happy getting a little wet and playing in her sand.

As the years go on and we frequent the shore more, things continue to change.  S plays less and less in the sand, and spends more time in the water.  At least until this summer.  This summer she ONLY plays in the water, and rarely comes out unless she is hungry.  She is not interested in playing in the sand at all.  M still loves to make her things in the sand, but has gotten more daring in the waves, too.

Something about this summer….maybe because it was just so hot.  The water is a lot warmer than it has been in years past.  The waves much more gentle, too.  It’s not as smooth as glass, but you aren’t feeling the riptide like we used to.  Each time we return for a beach day or a vacation, the kids go further and further in.  Both have learned to go under the bigger waves, and learned to try to body surf.  Where we used to tell them to only go out to their knees, S is out about her shoulders.  We really have to watch her because she wants to do it all by herself.  (oh the back and forth of independence!).

We’ve had a few opportunities this summer to head to the shore with a bunch of friends.  I can’t even tell you how much better it is to be out there with friends.  All the kids have been about the same age, and we all know each other well.  All of the kids are such beach bums.  There are a few, like S, who like to just stay out in the water.  They will boogie board, or splash, jump waves, etc.  Then there are those who like to stay in the sand and go back and forth, like M.  We bring lunch, and we are out there for hours together.  The kids are at such a great age for all of this.  They play with each other, and the moms get to talk. AHHHHH……..life is good.

When we went with one group, S felt particularly connected to one of the boys.  And while the 2 also played with other kids, they kept coming back to each other.  I know that kids are moving on, and so is S, with other friendships, but it’s sweet to watch them coming together.

When we went with a group without that family, S was off on her own more.  The other kids all click together better, and she is intimidated by those bonds.  So S could either stand near them or was off on her own.  In a lot of ways, she just wants to be off in the water and doing her thing.  But I see S sometimes watching the others.  I wonder what she is thinking.  Does she wish she could be doing whatever they are playing or want to be included?  Or is she simply just observing but really having no interest.  The others see her.  They don’t spend that much time talking to her.  Do they see her as an odd kid?  Or would they want her to join in?  Or just think she isn’t interested?  Or could she just be off of their radar, even if they are spending 6 hrs next to her.

Questions I wonder about when I see things like this happen.  Questions I ask when I see a real difference in the dynamics of our friends when one family is not there or when they are and other families impact those dynamics.

I feel really blessed that we have had a great summer and have been able to be out and about with such good friends.  I hope that the girls feel the same way.  I haven’t been great with the individual playdates.  Even group playdates at homes has been a little tough this summer.  So we try to meet at pools or on the beach.  I hope it’s been enough for the summer.  We have a couple of more weeks to go before we head back to school.  Unfortunately, all the kids we’ve been socializing with don’t go to her school.  I’ll have to start looking into that these coming weeks to remind her that she also has good friends at her own school.

a week of busy playdates

Summer is one of those times that everything seems to fall to the side.  We see who we see, but actually setting up, making the plans, it’s difficult to make the effort.  We’ve been lucky to belong to the same pool with friends, and we see friends when my husband has his Sunday baseball games.  The kids are in camp with their friends.  It’s not like they lack seeing friends during the week.  But setting up playdates and giving them that quality time together is different.

So last week, my friend and I decided we would return a favor and invite our playgroup families to our pool.  The list of people kept growing.  Those that said maybe, turned to yes.  Those that said no, became yes.  When we met up at the pool on Monday, there were 8 moms, and 21 children.  We had 5 large pizzas, tons of drinks, ice pops, cookies, and cupcakes.  It was essentially a party.  At first S was a bit overwhelmed by everyone.  She was also put off because the children she was so excited to see were playing with others.  It’s hard for her to join in sometimes.  She is just not so confident.  But S knows what to do.  She took herself out of it all.  She sat at the tables and started nibbling on snacks.  Soon, a few others followed.  It warmed her up to play.  Off she went.  M was overly excited about seeing all her pals.  She never stopped once.   4pm-7:30pm these kids played and swam.  Not a single complaint.  and no food brought home!

The next day, we spent the afternoon at a friend’s house.  2 other families were invited, too.  Consequently, only the host family was not in attendance the night before.  4 moms, 8 kids.  There was a huge 6ft inflatable waterslide up, and a kiddie pool.  The older ones were all over that water slide.  The younger ones playing in the kiddie pool.  They were all so content with each other, taking turns, having the time of their lives.  This was a much more comfortable setting for both my kids, but esp.  S.  She really made some concerted social efforts to play the game, and to stay playing.

Wednesday, we met another family at the pool in the afternoon.  3 hours of swim fun.  Our friends have 2 girls, too.  All 4 girls ate snacks, swam, played ring-around-the rosey together.  Absolutely relaxing and fun.

Honestly, by Thursday, I was worried that the kids would be looking for someone else to play with.  They weren’t.  But still.

I saw a real difference in S’s behavior by setting up these playdates.  It’s funny.  She doesn’t really ask to play with her Kindergarten friends, too much.  I know she likes them and is well-liked by them.  We continue to get pool invitations and party invitations.  But her real comfort still lies in the kids she went to PreK with.  The playgroup kids, well, she has known most of them since she was 2.  So of course there is comfort there.  But the PreK class.  It says a lot about the kids in the class that a year later, she would still rather be in their company than that of the class she just spent a happy year with.

We are expected in the coming weeks to attend some parties and playdates of kids from her class.  I’ll be interested to see how she does.  That initial anxiety of seeing them again, I bet will be there.  I think she’ll get over it quickly, too.  But walking up the steps to their home or party after not seeing them since June….I think it will be a lot.  We bumped into one of her classmates at Target last week.  S smiled. eventually said hi.  But she looked like she wanted to just run away, she felt so shy!

I’m glad I made that concerted effort to connect with her PreK friends.  I miss those moms myself as my close friends.  But I look forward to reconnecting with the families we have forged bonds with this past year, as we will be with each other for at least the next 4 years!

A busy, but very fun week of friends!

end of a successful season

Ok. It’s June.  another spring season down.  We finished off both girls’ soccer season this weekend.  And what a season they both had!

First of all, I just want to say how proud I am of both S and M!!  M had her first soccer season.  She was one of the youngest players on the field, and she played hard.  She ran with the pack, almost never kicked the ball, spaced out for 1/2 the game, and scored once or twice all season.  But she did it all with the biggest smile on her face.  The first o.  2 games, she was teary and afraid to be out on the field.  But from the 3rd game on, she went on a happy run!  Waving from the sidelines, permanent smile on her face, she went crazy happy!

And S.  just wow!  After starting the playerpast 2 season in tears and tantrums until game 7 each season, and being okay for the last 3 games….She started the spring excited, happy to go to her games.  S finally started participating in practice during the week, too.  She has been forming bonds with her teammates, and has been all smiles going to her game.  For once, this season, not a single game rained out.  So we had consistency on our side.    S is not a great player.  She gets distracted easily, she runs after the pack of girls, but she definitely got herself in there.  She kicked the ball side by side next to other players, and even scored a couple of goals this year.

It’s been a crazy spring driving back and forth to each of the girls’ games on Saturday mornings.  My husband and I have had to split up if the games were at the same time.  When we’ve been able to make both games, the family has been out all morning into the afternoon.  We’ve had birthday parties to go to some afternoons and errands to run.  I feel like we’ve been run so ragged this spring.  But the change in what we’ve seen in our girls this spring has been priceless.  S has been feeling so good about herself.  It’s been incredible.  And M has finally been feeling like she is a big girl, able to do the things that her sister does.  They both enjoy going to each other’s game and cheering for her each other.

Then my husband has been playing in a baseball league on Sundays.  Who would have thought that the girls would be so excited to go to his games.  It’s been hot or raining some of those games, but they are truly enjoying the experience.  It takes a huge chunk out of our Sundays, too.  But it doesn’t matter.  Most of the time, there are at least 1 or 2 families with kids that go, too.  The kids are all good friends, forming bonds over the past few years together.  Today, the kids knew they would have been the only kids there at the game, but they still wanted to go.

From a homekeeper’s point of view, it’s been a nightmare.  I can’t get anything done over the weekend the way I used to.  Our weekdays have been so busy, too.  I feel completely inefficient.  And when I have the time to get home things done, I go all out because I don’t know when I will have the time to really do it the way I would like to.  It’s been a nightmare for me personally trying to keep up with it all.

From a mother’s and a wife’s point of view, it’s been amazing!  We’ve finally gotten out of the winter, and outside in the fresh air.  The kids and dad feel like they are part of a team.  They are contributing to something bigger than themselves.  We’ve become a family of enthusiastic cheerleaders for each other.  I feel like the kids have finally stepped outside of their little princess dream world to see that there are lots of things out there.  They continue to learn to swim through their lessons, but are building friendships through their sports and team.

On one hand, it’s relieving to me that summer is coming, and we’ll break from all this mayhem for a few months.  But on the other hand, I’m sad to see it end.  They’ve come so far.  To end it so abruptly has never been easy.  sigh….another season done….successfully and proudly.

riding on

My husband left again on another overseas business trip last weekend.  He just came back tonight.  As he was pulling in the driveway, the girls were wheeling their bikes down the driveway.  Funny.  They were so excited to see him.  What does he do?  He drops his bags off in the garage, and wheels out his bike.  He just got it last week before he left!

The poor guy has been on a plane for 20 hours.  But he gets on his bike.  He and S take off.  He is so surprised by the amount of control she has on her 2 wheeler.  They ride the neighborhood together.  She is able to steer, and stop.  Getting herself started is a little tricky.  It’s hit or miss. but he helps her.

Little M is pulling in behind them.  She is pedaling her little heart out trying to keep up with them.  They break away pretty quickly, but she keeps plugging away.  I ride my own new bike next to her.

The weather was perfect. breezy.  not too cool, not too hot.  Comfortable.

We rode around the neighborhood as a family.  And it felt so good.

It’s amazing, once these kids feel comfortable and confident…they just take off.  I can’t believe that 2 weeks ago, my big girl figured out her 2 wheeler. and in 2 short weeks, she is off around the neighborhood, without us sprinting after her!

a stretch of good weather=happy all around

After a crazy, cold, snowy winter, March broke through with some beautiful…signs of springlike weather.  5 days of upper 50s-mid-60s and sunny!  It has been nothing short of glorious.  There are still snowbanks where it got all pushed up or piled up by a snowplow.  Yet, we walk around with lighter jackets, or not, and enjoy the feel of the warm sun.

It’s amazing what the sunshine and warm weather does to everyone’s moods!  People everywhere are smiling more, got that extra something in their step.  And the kids….just pure elation to be out and about, not bundled up, and being outside again.

My husband left for Asia on a business trip this week.  He caught a glimpse of the first day, but if he could have seen these last 4!  2 weeks ago, he saw that Razors were on sale at Toys R Us for $20.  He bought one for each girl.  They tried riding it inside the house a bit, but it just didn’t really work.  Saturday, S wanted to try it out.  So we did. M fell off hers and was so shaky, she has refused to go back on.  She just wants her bike.  But S, she is on it all the time.  It’s funny because last week at social skills, her leader said she really doesn’t have a good sense of balance.  Walking along curbsides, balance beams, etc would help her learn to balance her body.  I didn’t think that S would like the unsteadiness of the scooter. But she has come to really concentrate on getting it to work.  My husband showed her on M’s scooter what to do.  We went around the block.  She just kept her right foot on it, and used her left foot to push off.  She was basically taking a step, scooching it up the street.  But it was a continuous motion.  By day 2, the strides were getting longer.  S has wanted to go on her razor everyday, for at least 20-30 min.  She still won’t put both feet on the Razor, but today, she rolled down the driveway, one foot on, the other foot just off the ground, and glided all the way.  She’s learning, and she’s excited by it!

Both S and M have made their way to the swings.  S can swing for hours if we let her.  She loves feeling that wind on her face.  S even gives M pushes when she needs to get herself going.  We’ve been at the park 3 times in 4 days.  Both kids enjoying different parts of their play, but running around nonetheless.

I expected this week that my husband has been away to just drag and wasn’t looking forward to the daily squabbles.  But the weather has changed everything.  Being outside in the fresh air, it’s helped them both out so much.  Gives everyone just a little more patience and puts us in a better place to start, too.  And the best part, they have been absolutely wiped out.  Both are to bed early, rolling over after getting kissed good night, and falling right to sleep.  It has given a reprieve of S’s sleepwalking patterns that have continued for almost 3 months now.  Even if she does tonight, it will be the first time since Friday night.  I think this is very telling.  The only not so great thing is that with the spring weather, comes the early light as well as the early chirping of the birds.  Both kids have been up about 5:30-5:45am for 2 mornings.  Hubby isn’t even home for me to put the blame on his early morning routine waking them up (Sorry honey!  My theories are off this week!)

We are expected a few days of very heavy rain to come.  And we will slip back into the 40s which is still bearable.  I’m hopeful for spring to come, looking forward to it as I see what this short glimpse did for us as a family.  How helpful and therapeutic it has been for S.  How exciting and exhausting it has been for M.  Please spring….come!

our vacation

Sorry folks.  We were away this past week on a vacation so I couldn’t post.

We left the morning of the first wave of the big snowstorms for the East Coast.  We woke the kids up at 4am to get to the airport for a 6am flight, through Miami on to Cancun.  We have done flights before with the kids but never one with a layover.  Never this early in the morning, especially in the dead of winter.  We were prepared for them to do well with this, and we were prepared for them to be really thrown.  We couldn’t have asked for a smoother ride.

Both S and M were so excited to be heading down to warm weather, pool time, and the beach.  They were excited to be meeting up with friends, too.  I packed a backpack of fun things to do on the plane, too.  We waited an hour after pulling out of the gate for the place to be de-iced.  We got into Miami about 10am.  They didn’t sleep a wink, but were quiet and entertained.  My husband sat between the girls on the 3 seat side, and I sat across the aisle.  I even got to take a quick nap.  In Miami, the girls got to stretch their legs, run around, and catch breakfast.  I sat with M on the next leg, and S sat with her daddy.  M was asleep most of the flight, while S enjoyed her activities and finally fell asleep the last 15 min of the flight.  It was tropical as soon as we stepped off the plane.  They were super excited.  As we peeled off sweatshirts and stuffed our winter coats in a duffel bag, we left snowy 20s to come to sunny 80s.

We hopped in a van we had reserved, and the kids buckled up.  As we cruised through to our hotel, M yelled out, “This van is awesome.”  S couldn’t stop staring out at the blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.  At a red light, she noticed coconuts on the palm trees.  ”They have coconuts here!  Look, way up in the tree.”  When we pulled up in front of our purple and pink hotel, both kids looked like we had arrived in Paradise.  Covering both of their favorite colors, the lobby was welcoming.  Behind the front desk was a beautiful infinity pool, beach chairs, the beach beyond, and finally the ocean.  We ran up to our room, only to run right back out in our swimsuits.  It was chilly, as the sun was going down, and the high was only 78 that day.  (I know…only when we’ve been in the 20s. but trust me….as it cools down, the water is COLD!).  We had picked up dinner locally and a few small things for breakfast.

This was the first trip where we did not sleep next to S when she fell asleep.  And the first trip where M did not sleep in a crib or pack and play.  In fact, the bedroom had a king size bed.  We shoved it up against a wall, lined the side with pillows, and put one down the middle.  The girls not only shared a room for the first time, but also shared a bed.  I have to tell you…it was incredibly liberating for my husband and I.  Granted the kids went to bed late, and woke up early.  But they didn’t start talking in the morning until both were definitely awake.  It was early…6am…but they did it.  He and I shared the sofa bed. Uncomfortable, squeaky, and lumpy, but we were on our own.

We ate breakfast the next morning, and headed to the local Walmart.  We took the bus for 7.5 pesos each.  That’s about 50 cents.  Yes, there is a Walmart, and it is HUGE.  They sell everything! We got our necessities…water, fruit, yogurt, beer, liquor, milk, juice, snacks, beer, ice cream, hot dogs and buns, beer… you get the drift.  By the time we got back, we made quick sandwiches, and went to the pool.  We ate poolside with our drinks and smiles.  A couple of hours later, our friends arrived.

Isn’t it a funny thing with friends.  Whether you talk much or not, or see each other once a year, you have a handful of friends where time doesn’t matter.  You just pick up wherever you last left off.  We are lucky to have a few friends like this.  One of them happened to be with us.  Their kids are I and E.  I is 14 mths younger than S and 13 months older than M.  I is almost 2.  I and M spent more time bonding, but S let herself be apart of things, too.

Initially sharing was definitely difficult for S.  She was used to having her stuff, and some of it was new.  She was very wary of E, and later didn’t want to share things with I.  We had a very stern conversation with S about it all.  She allowed herself to loosen up some on certain items and not on others.  We are really going to have to monkey wrench down on this…..

Anyway, the kids just seemed to be so happy to be in each other’s company.  I still hear I’s greeting as she joined us at the pool.  ”S….M…hello!!!! We’re here.   Let’s go play.”  Oh, she just tickled me with her announcements.  My heart melted to see the smiles my girls got seeing their family.

The next 4 days we took turns with breakfast, bought or made lunch, and went out to dinner.  We tried different restaurants away from the resorts, and had our fill of drinks.  The kids didn’t eat great, and they were tired from all the sun and outdoor activities.  But this is the first vacation where my husband and I felt like we were on a vacation.  Yes, we still had to take care of our kids, and be up and about with them.  But they are so much more self-sufficient now.  Having spent time with another family gave us all options.

When I look at this vacation through the eyes of the children, I see all the small things that fascinated them.  The water, the pool, coconuts on the tree, understanding the blue sign with a bus on it meant it was a bus stop, the excitement to ride a stroller on these night walks since they never ride them otherwise, feeling the wind on their face, seeing the sun rise first thing in the morning.  Seeing a friend they recognize and building on that relationship.  S and E were bonding over her filling his bucket with water from a watering can, him emptying it out and asking for more, her being amused and realizing she could add something to this relationship and going through.  C following I around, I being able to tell C what to do, and she doing it for the most part.  They just had ease with each other.  My kids are going to remember this trip for a long, long time.

When I was getting my masters, one professor had said that for children to really grow and grow outside of their comfort zone, they need to have outside experiences.  Parents need to take kids places.  It doesn’t have to be on an airplane or to exotic lands, but they need to get out of their home, outside of their day to day.  To the zoo, the park, the librarys, taking different transportatons, museums, etc.  New experiences to build upon.  New is hard for a lot of people, definitely hard for S.  But I see what is shaping now.  If the experiences is positive, she really takes things away from it.  She opens herself ever so slightly, realizing the unknown has its upside.  Honestly, where would we be if I never took her to a pool or to the beach?  Both S and M truly enjoy the trips we take.  A local ski hill, going sledding in the neighborhood, taking a plane to Disney world, or to Cancun.  Each one, not only are they building memories, they are learning something new, outside of our comfort zone.

Of course, there is always the fall back on when we come home, and the aftermath.  Currently, we are dealing with still tired, and now homebound from another large snowstorm.  But it’s okay.  As we head back into routine this week, things should settle down.  But we will always have this great and fun trip for all for of us.  We just can’t wait to see what this new year will bring!

Social skills, try 2

So our never ending search for a social skills group for S continues.  On the one hand, I’m a little picky for her to find a good fit.  On the other hand, it’s been difficult to find it out there.

I didn’t want to go too far or too late at night.  I have to think of both S and M.  How well would a social skills group be for S if she were so tired or a long drive away after school?  There are lots of groups popping up, too.  Then I started to question if the person was really qualified.  Most groups were run by social workers.  Now speech pathologists,  occupational therapists, and physical therapists were running them, too.  If no initial evaluation was done, then how do you know if your child’s abilities will match another one’s in the group?  What if the group was too advanced for S?  Or if S was too advanced for the group?  I had seen both.  One was a very low functioning group, and others were asking way too much of her.  When I hear of groups up to 6 children per 1 therapists, I think that’s too many. A group of 2, 3, or 4 max was acceptable to me.  S needs very small group attention for social skills.  She can answer most questions initially, but the more complicated ones freeze her.  Also, she doesn’t carry the conversation well back.  Asking someone else questions based on what information they have given her doesn’t come naturally to her.  S’s conversations are more observation statements that are hard to build on for others.  For example, she’ll point out to another, “OH, we have the same juice box.”  They answer, “yeah, we do.”  Smiling at each, and pleased, but then the conversation is dropped.

S’s time with Step and Kev are great.  Yet it’s 1-1 therapy.  She can learn from how they foster the conversation, but it would be better with peers.  She’s in group therapies at school.  Speech once is a week is with one girl, and the other time in the week is with 2 boys.  OT is done in the classroom once, and with a group of 3 boys on the other day.  These are good opportunities for her, but we believed she needed some more.

We have been modeling and correcting as much as we can without making it overly obvious and therefore stressing her out.  But we’d like her to be able to do it with her own peer group.

So I tried one out today.  A social skills group.  It’s with movement, too.  This one place I had been going back and forth to has mostly been boy groups only.  I don’t think S would mind so much, but another girl would have even the balanced.  S is not a girly girl, but she does like the company of some girls, although she usually bonds very well with boys.

Today’s group was just her and another girl.  Maybe next week, 1 or 2 girls might be added.  S was reluctant to go in at first.  She recognized the facilitator, actually.  He recognized her, too.  He is a Physical Therapist at her school!  S wanted me to go in with her, but I told her I was busy paying, and it was kids only.  She walked in with tears in her eyes.  Within 5 min, I heard both girls yelling and giggling.

The next 1/2 hr, I could hear all 3 of them.  They were having a great time.  M was playing next to me with a bunch of things I brought.  All I heard from her for the 30 min was how much she wanted to go in a play, too.  M has been dragged to every therapy of S’s since she was 6 months old.  All she knows is I take S to these places where S gets to play, and comes out with stickers or lollipops.  M got a taste of it when she spent a session with Kev (another post later).  She is so dying to get in there, too.  I don’t know how to explain it to her either.  I don’t want to say it’s because S needs these things and she doesn’t.  It’s the truth, but I don’t want to put it as the haves and have nots.  Nor do I want to explain that these are S’s difficulties, because M would be put it out there without any thought for sensitivity.  I imagine them coloring together, and M casually saying, “S, you do all these things because you need a lot of extra help since you have trouble with these things.  But I don’t have any, right Mommy?”

So I’m left with really not having any explanation for her which actually is terrible, too.

I’m happy to say, S came out of social skills today smiling from ear to ear.  She thought it was great.  She made a new friend and had a ton of fun.  The facilitator, we’ll call him FACM, said that the girls were a good match together.  Both are wiggly, have some balancing issues, have some motor planning difficulties, and need some help with the conversation flow.  I’m hoping this turns into more conversation than movement therapy, but that doesn’t hurt either.  I’ll keep my fingers crossed.